The Phrases from A Father That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on moms and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up amongst men, who often absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."